Updated Definition Of Insanity?

“Doing the same thing but expecting a different outcome” is one working understanding of what insanity is (maybe not a clinical term, but a working one for us non-medical people). I know deep in the dark recesses of my inner self that, unless I make real, significant changes in my way of thinking, I will continue to exhibit the same, reoccurring pattern of self-defeating behavior and the physical and psychic decay that marks my current state of existence.

Each morning I leap climb crawl out of bed with the vision that today will be the day I am successful in [INSERT PET IDEA OF THE WEEK HERE]. Each evening (or more likely, several hours past midnight) when I slip crawl collapse into bed and review the day’s events I am forced to conclude that I have totally failed at [INSERT PET IDEA OF THE WEEK HERE] and will have to try harder tomorrow (or more likely, later this morning).

Apparently I’m insane, as I do this daily.

Take my computer activity for instance. I know if I start working on a project I tend to get so focused that I can easily spend a couple of hours straight at the keyboard without ever moving more than 8-10 inches. When my vision drifts toward yellow and the needs of the flesh become insistent I am reminded remaining stationary for extended periods is NOT a good way to live with arthritis.

[Insert commercial for Depends here.]

There have been several “get up and move” assignments for the PET IDEA OF THE WEEK with the “expected” result (or lack of same). As I pointed out in an earlier post, ” I am only a good intention. I am a really, REALLY bad implementer of change.” So I guess I must submit the plea “not guilty by reason of insanity” for my actions.

Except maybe today can be different. With the death of my I-Pad, I have broken out my Palm Pilot again (mostly to use as as calendar app; my cell phone version is worse than my old Franklin Planner after dropping it in the toilet a few times). One of the apps on the expansion card is a program called PocketDoan that can be used to signal the passing of a series of time periods.

I think it was made to assist people in meditation / prayers / yoga / psychic activities, giving a gentle tone to start the next activity. [2 minutes pass here.] By shifting the burden of keeping track of how long you are doing [INSERT ACTIVITY HERE] from your conscious mind, you can better focus on  successfully accomplishing [INSERT ACTIVITY HERE].

My “Computer Work” program is a 20 minute period of productive work, followed by 2 minutes of “rest eyes” time (when i stop looking at the screen and either do distance vision exercises or just palm my eyes). This cycle repeats twice and after a third work period I get a 10 minute “get up and move” notice. So I get an hour of work time every 74 minutes with an “enforced” break to stretch and keep the joints from freezing up.

This post is being written in the third cycle tonight. So far, I have gotten up twice in the last couple of hours and this is two times more than I would have earlier in the month (week) [day]. And my eyes have been allowed to “rest” more than they do in a week of normal life (sleep not included).

It is way too small a sample to determine if here is a repeatable pattern or change in habitual behavior as a result of this experiment, but I am cautiously optimistic about the future. I will try again tomorrow and see if I can keep up with this new “program.”

Except…

What if I make a successful change in activity but there is no change in results? The presumption inherent in the initial paragraph is “if A implies B” (same action generates same results). The thought is if I change the action it should change the outcome or “if NOT A implies NOT B” in logic form. What if this is invalid logic? What if it really doesn’t matter what I [10 minutes pass here] do, that the outcome will be the same if I try or not (Yoda not withstanding)? What if another working definition is “doing different things but experiencing the same outcome”? What if Pavlov’s legacy is no longer valid?

I am fearful, but will press on. Perhaps tomorrow will be better and the signals from my Palm will allow me to breakthrough my current rut. I can be hopeful.

And Dilbert was right, the pellets are excellent.

Phred

post 61 of n

Blender Update: May 2, 2015 (Updated with new pictures)

I guess this is overdue, too. By putting something on the web it provides an encouragement (goad) to make more productive my sessions. Now, I have an incentive to actually make progress on my project(s) and can rely on you, gentle readers, to keep me honest.

My current project involves modeling my workstation, the desk I sit at while playing reindeer games. I haven’t gotten very far, but my time is broken between the project and skills practice based on the recent videos I have watched. Most of these are one offs that I don’t even save, just a trial to demonstrate understanding of concept. (Sometimes there are MANY needed to understand….)

One of the ideas gleaned from reading Rework was the article “Ignore the details early on.” Most of the previous attempts at modeling something was to take a piece and spend as much time as needed to get it perfect, then move to the next piece. It has been hard to keep up the momentum and interest in the whole project when it took so long to build each minuscule piece. So here is a “bigger picture” image of my desk project. It’s early in the process, and there is many hours still ahead, but already I can relate to the wisdom of starting with fuzzy glasses on at the start. It allows me to work on a piece at random, when the impulse strikes, and can leave partial progress in relative comfort.

blender image of my desktop, early in modeling process

blender image of my desktop, early in modeling process

better sample of the current state of the desktop model

better sample of the current state of the desktop model

Even better update. Did work on bookcase and monitors tonight.

Even better update. Did work on bookcase and monitors tonight.

Check back later to see the path this project takes.

Phred

post 60 of n

Glimpse Of A Vision

I believe I am spending too much time wandering through various addictions within the internet. To my limited frustration, I have discovered looking at some of the pages I check daily are sponsored (or actually made) by Lay’s (the potato chip people). Bets that I can only eat watch just one are all off. The worst two offenders are Facebook (which I really don’t understand) and YouTube.

I don’t do too much on FB as a participant, but will look down the home and news post lists, only to find an hour passes before I am aware of it. Kudos to Travis for posting some of the craziest and funniest links I have seen. (It would be nice, though, if you could limit them to less than 20-30 a day so I can get some actual work done.) Occationally I find something I can relate to too much and add it to my page / wall / whatever it’s called (told you I don’t understand this place).

The addiction to YouTube is somewhat more problematic. I use some of my subscriptions as a learning tool for my Blender education. So I can’t really afford to stop wandering around the site, but some of the links are more practical than others. Some provide useful information while others are simply eye candy, useful for a distraction or to unlax if needed.

One of the less productive sites is my Adult Swim subscription. Or so I thought until today. I don’t watch this channel much, but today it showed up on my “we think you’d like or should see this” list and I started watching an episode of Food|Off the Air and the part with the banana mask (about 15 seconds in) was really funny. I kinda lost interest shortly afterward and started fast forwarding through the rest of the episode until I got to the Western Spagetti segment (at about 4:18). I was totally fascinated by the segment and fast forwarded (after watching it 3 or 4 times) to the credits to find out who made it.

The  PESfilm channel in YouTube has 44 videos involving stop action animation. Since one of my year’s intentions is to become a CG artist, learning animation is a part of the task I am working on. Stop action uses a series of still pictures where items are moved slightly between frames. I ended up watching over a dozen back to back before I needed to leave (late as it was for my meeting, but I didn’t care). When I got back home I continued where I left off.

Spaghetti Western is one of my favorites. It is really well done (as are most of the films archived) and I would highly recommend it for a smile. I’ll link to it on my FB page to share the joy with others.

Later I will post more about my artistic progress so far this year, but I can’t just yet.

There’s still a couple of unread emails and several vid’s to watch….

Phred

post 59 of n

A Single Serving Of Alphabet Soup

Our government is great when it comes to making acronyms. I use a few myself, mostly caryover from my time in the Navy (CEFGW meaning “Close Enough For Government Work,”  as in “this bolt meets CEFGW standards” and DORD for “Department Of Redundancy Department,” where we actually had a rubber stamp made for our fun). There’s a couple I’ve been considering lately that I want to comment on: WMD and MAD.

Weapons of Mass Destruction is fairly recent (at least in general usage) being invoked in the interest of finding nuclear weapon development in the middle east. The concept, of course, goes back a long time and has been used in nearly every world war. Not limited to atomic weapons (although they provide the biggest “bang for the buck”), air-fuel bombs, white phosphorus weapons, jellied petroleum devices (NAPALM) and even the “carpet bombing” runs of conventional weapons could be considered WMDs based upon the level of destruction resulting from their use.

As terrible as these weapons are, I am actually more concerned in massively constructed weapons causing minimal (or no) destruction while causing extensive personnel casualties. Weapons in this category might allow an attacking force to take possession of a local essentially intact after taking out combatants and civilians in the area. Most of these weapons would fall into the CBW class (Chemical / Biological Weapon) of producing death. Toxic nerve agents, for example, could be dispersed and make an area impassable without total protection for weeks to months. Simply walking to your mailbox a week after surviving an attack could be lethal. Biological weapons may be slower but perhaps more insidious, as the amount of global travel could spread a pandemic weapon far beyond the initial deployment area. Again, going to the market to replenish supplies could bring home a bigger package than what has been purchased.

Switching gears for a moment to consider the idea of MAD. Mutually Assured Destruction was the principle device used in the cold war against Russia to prevent nuclear war. The basic idea was to provide a “second strike” capability such that when an enemy launched an initial attack, there would be (more than) enough weapons available to launch a counter-strike that would cause at least as much damage to the aggressor. The concept was to “persuade” a potential foe launching a preemptive strike would be futile as the resulting devastation from the counter attack would not be worth the projected gain.

Growing up in the 1960’s with the mandatory air-raid alerts and practice drills in the school hallways was a quarterly (occasionally monthly) reminder we were only a moment from horrific death from above.  That the launch never occurred is a (kind of) proof of the validity of the concept.

Today, I fear the concept no longer is valid. To have an effective projection of MAD requires both sufficient weaponry (and it’s staging) to make such an attack feasible, in fact virtually certain) and the determination of the highest members of government to make the call. I suspect America in 2015 fails on both accounts. The military has been substantially gutted in its size and power, and our leadership has given little encouragement to suppose a willingness to “pull the trigger” to deliver a knock-out blow to any conceivable enemy. Even a couple of decades ago we projected enough power to give any potential attacker pause, but today….

Even more disconcerting is the rise of terrorist attacks independent of an official nation-state sponsor. Should a massive attack occur (say, in September?) when there is no clearly defined enemy, where would we focus the MAD counterstrike? Even if there is a hypothetical devastating nuclear attack against a single target (the most likely terror strike) and the country of origin could be positively identified, what would be a “correct” response? Would it be rational to wipe a nation from the face of the Earth to retaliate against a single loss? Does a “tit for tat” destruction of one of their cities give a large enough incentive to cease forever making foolish decisions? Would 3 cities, or 10% of their population, or 30% of their national resource production capability? And would the powers that be make the decision?

I don’t know. I doubt if anyone does. But the concern of a WMD without the balancing effects of MAD lead ultimately to a WTF realization.

World Terrifyingly Frightening.

Phred

post 58 of n

Celebrating The (Bio)Rhythms Of Life

This week has been a rough one, both from a productivity and physical point of view. Starting early this past Sunday, I have had a severe bout of pain from my arthritis thingy. For the most part, I’ve been either in bed or on the couch every waking moment since, until today. Three truly bad days with little to look forward to. The meds weren’t doing very much, and as long as I was reclining I was fine, sitting in my wheelchair at the computer for more than 10 minutes led to the (near) impossibility of getting up and collapsing back on the couch.

Today things seem to be getting better. I can move around the apartment without the horrific pain of earlier in the week, and am able to spend some time at the computer (as this posting is proof). The week has not been totally non-productive as I have been able to view the blender documentation and tutorials on the TV (thanks to YouTube and the PS3 web browser apps), so the 14+ hours on the couch were not constrained to endless reruns of 70’s-80’s sitcoms or the Judge Judy marathon that shows up on the local Fox channel. Still, there is a limit to how much “book lernin'” you can absorb without actually getting your hands dirty. Today was a pleasant change of pace.

I know there are a number of reasons for the pain to wax and wane, but I have not been able to identify specific causes. Sometimes a change in weather will trigger a bout, as will an unusually diverse (and extensive) selection of goodies over and above my normal dietary needs. Historically I have been treated for gout, never in my big toe but my major joints (knees, hips, and shoulders). Since that’s what hurts it seems possible it exacerbates the symptoms. I am not convinced, based on 20+ years of experience. The kinds of activities triggering gout in the past were absent this last cycle.

For giggles, I powered up my Palm Pilot m130 to run a biorhythm program, to see what my cycles showed for this week. Surprise! Both my physical and intellectual cycles bottomed out this week (emotional critical day was Sunday as well).

Now, how reliable is this pseudoscience? The idea that our lives pass through cycles of ups and downs is pretty reasonable (ask a woman…). That there is different cycles for different life elements also seems like a valid idea, and that they have different periods is entirely possible. But did they cause a spike (or rather a crash) in my life this week?

I don’t know. I really don’t care. In my “younger” days I tracked my biorhythms closely and decided there was at best a slight correlation between the cycle and my daily functioning. The theory remarks that it is more significant on the critical days when a cycle passes through the “0” point on a chart than to peak or valley. These critical days are times when you can do either very well or really poorly, more than you might expect on either border day. On the rare occasions when two  (or more so all three cycles) were critical you were to be especially careful, lest a horrific “catastrophe” should take place. I did, and “it” never happened.

Do I believe the number of days I have lived have a direct effect on the mundane events of my life, more or less so if the number is divisible by 23, 28, or 33? Not really, I guess. I suspect it’s more coincidental than causal but it is fun to look at. Not that I would use it solely to make any life critical choices. And with an intellectual level at -100, I’m SURE not buying a lottery ticket today.

Not for at least another 16 days…

Phred

post 57 of n